Where's the line between reality & fantasy?

Okay, I'm actually a lil' crazy right now because I'm doing my assignment,
So, I'm going to plead temporary insanity for now,
I always seem to face where I want my fantasy to turn into my reality,
Which means no matter how riduculas it might sound,
I think everybody don't this in some point of their life,
There's always something that you wish you could just have no matter what,
Well I have many things that I wish that it would turn into reality,
But I'm not gonna spill it here,
Hehe, Who knows whose reading my blog...
Okay, I'll tell you one...
I wish I could stop people from seeing me as a snob,
I don't mind being mistaken as a cold & distant person,
cause I know sometimes I am,
No matter how a person says that they don't care,
deep down it still hurts...
Yeah, you ! Who called me snob for reasons you know why!!!
I am NOT a snob, how dare you judge me when you don't anything about me,
I don't why, but it's like a cycle,
people keep telling me that I am something I'm not,
I have insecurities like other people,
I have height issues,
I have trust issues,
Well I'm human and intitled to feel all these things,
no matter how I pretend to take everything in a stride,
the pressure is still there,
espicially when people expect you to excel in everything you do,
I know how it feels to be looked down by people you love...

Going back to Terengganu !

Downturn

Lately I've been feeling a lil' bit down,
maybe depressed,
there's so many maybe's in my life now,
there's no steady ground where i'm standing now,
sometimes it feels that my world is cracking into pieces,
the parade of faces that i see,
the emotionless smiles,
the fake happy attitude,
it's eating me up,
last Wednesday I went home,
I met a neighbor of mine,
we chatted, suddenly she said " just ask your father to remarry "
Deep down, I wish I could just scold her back,
it's only been 4 months,
do you even know how it feels?
do you know what we're going through?
What I'm going through?
The person who always support me isn't here,
How it affects my studies,
how rebellious I feel towards the world,
as close as I am to my friends,
I still feel distant with them,
As much as I want to grow up and move on,
It's not that simple.
Life's never that simple.
The optimistic me is slowly losing towards the pessimistic,
How I wish to be a stronger person.

I Dream High

I Dream High,
Hearing this song can cheer me up anytime, anywhere,
So, if you find me smiling like an idiot for no reason,
Now you know!
Ha, I don't know if it's the beat or the lyrics,
Striving for a better future,
Isn't everyone after the same thing?
Everyone reaching there with different paces,
some walk there, some take baby steps to theirs,
For me? I'm taking baby steps,
I don't know what's in store for me,
Right now, I don't know if I even like the person I am now,
Still trying to figure out what I want,
I'm searching for myself in what it seems like a haze,
I'm moving forward,
Today, I told my friend in this world everybody has a role to play in this world,
no matter how small and significant in might be, all of us are important,
So, people out there know that there's always somebody out there looking up to you,
Even if you don't realize it,
You are someone important in their life !

P/S: So Am I ~

Maybe you're the one...

The english translation for this song~

My cold heart....suddenly a little bit
seems melted when you come to me
And then secretly ..you filled my heart

From one day, at the way back home
While thinking of you, that my appearance
when I saw, I realize you're already in my heart

Maybe you're the one
Maybe, perhaps
Perhaps, you
I'm waiting.. it would be half
Maybe it is true
Always, very
Closed each other, So I didn't know
Baby I'm in love with you

At first I didn't know...I'd be like that
I'd be thinking of you, I'd be loving you
Your heart too, please...be same with my heart like this

Maybe you're the one
Maybe, perhaps
Perhaps, you
I'm waiting.. it would be half
Maybe it is true
Always, very
Closed each other, So I didn't know
Baby I'm in love with you

I have gotten too late
Right now, accept my heart that realize
I knew it's too late, I knew it's now but
This heart ..will be never swayed

Maybe you're the one
Maybe, perhaps
Perhaps, you
I'm waiting.. it would be half
Maybe it is true
Always, very
Closed each other, So I didn't know
Baby I'm in love with you

Baby, I'm in love with you
Baby, I'm in love with you
Baby, I'm in love with you
Baby, I'm in love with you

End

Maybe, I'm waiting for that person,
whose gonna make my heart skip a beat,
I don't know who you are,
But why do I feel that it's worth all the waiting,
One day I'll know !
Is it the weather that makes me long for some company,
Or the people around me?
Hurm, duly noted that I'm jealous!
Looks like tonight's gonna be a long nite !

Building confidence..

I've been meaning to update my blog,
but I'm always cought in something else,
Today I left early to go to my class,
on the bus ride there,
there was an Iranian gurl,
of course she spoke english.

There's my chance to build my confidence,
So, I just grabbed it,
hehe, it wasn't something hard,
it was kinda fun to talk to someone foreign,

I'll tell you more when I have time to reminisce it back !

Reminiscing

I've been reading my past post,
And I find that I like what I read,
Okay, it is my blog of course I love it!
But what I really like is how I see my myself now,
Writing and growing, maturing..
I'm a childish person,
I like attention,
I like to think the world sometimes revolve around me,
I'm not good at portraying my real feelings,
I'm not good at making new friends,
I suck at making small talk,
I'm distant & often try to avoid crowds,
Well there's to much to list here,
But that's what makes me Me!

Everyone's special as they are ~

Leave me breathless~

The Corrs - Breathless

Sometimes the things that has happened in the past,
just leave me breathless whenever I remember them,
I can leave it all behind,
But it doesn't matter,
It's still lurking behind me,
Whenever I feel that nothing can knock me down,
It comes back,
Either I let the past win,
Or just face it with false bravado,
And just lie to myself that everything is gonna be okay,
I already stated the facts,
I can deal with it,
I am not what ever people accuse me of,
I am who I am,
I am Me,
I'm going to stop talking in riddles.

The Language Barrier !

Okay, my post isn't about the difficulties of me speaking proficiently in English,
it's more about how I lack the confidence in speaking it,
You can write and pour out your words and thoughts to a piece of paper,
more easily than voicing them out to people,
Last week, we had a speaking test it was on informal meeting,
Our corporation is a book conglomerate,
we were told to discuss on ways to broaden our companies influence around the world,
we were given 20 minutes to discuss,
we played our roles, said things that we were suppose to say,
when it finished someone just had to ask how their performance was...
That was indeed something that i didn't wanted to know at all !
I hate feeling inadequate in anything that i do,
which was the case...
So, the lecturer told me that i had the proficiency,
i had the fluency to speak the language,

BUT,

I'm wasting it by keeping it to myself and just being silent during the discussion,
that was quite a blow !
I lack in confidence in a affects my performance...
When will i ever overcome this huge obstacle?

Row, Row, Row your boat gently down the stream~

Yesterday we went canoeing... hehe...
It wasn't a boat... but who cares!
Haha... finally after days, and days and days of looking,
finally we did it!
I really, really , really wanted to know how it felt to canoe...
It looked really interesting,
but it was really hard and it needs teamwork between two people...
At first we only went back and forth, and round and round..
since we didn't know how..
the learning experience~
we laughed a lot... haha...
we rowed till our hands were sore...
our muscles hurt and it was worth it!