Life isn't complicated, the decisions we make in life makes it complicated~

yes,
decisions in life that we make,
we can never be so sure on the decisions we make,
because we don't know where it can lead us to,
either failure or success,
either eternal happiness or heartache,
pick wisely, act accordingly,
maybe you'll lose some but in a way you gain some,
think of things that happen to you as a gateway,
who knows maybe opportunity will knock your door soon,

ever heard of this " when a door closes, a window opens "
never ever give up hope..
no matter how little hope there is,
or how dark the future may lie upon you,
you'll never know,
when you'll stumble into a little light,
that may shine your entire life~~

what i want & what you want are so different

my dad wants me to work..
my brother wants me to stay at home..
my mum just wants me close by..

and i want my mum wants,
i wanna be close to her,
even though i may not be the perfect daughter,
but,
i try to,

to all of you who are wondering about my mum's sickness,
my mum has cancer,
it first started out as rectum cancer,
which is treatable,
but later on it just spread,
even though the cancer at the rectum is not there anymore,
my mum now suffers from lung & liver cancer,
which is pretty hard to be treated since there's no treatment yet for lung cancer,
and since my mum's cancer is already on the fourth stage

i hate cancer

i hate smokers

i hate everything that sucks :p

Head ACHE~~

my head is pounding~~
my body feels warm~~
feel..

36 hours flew by like 36 long years~~

stayed at PPUM for the nite..
my mum's health is slowly deteriorating..
we can only pray for her recovery..

this is the latest extension at our house~~
an outside kitchen~~
it's like cooking in a garden~~

What do you know??

Yes!!
what do you know about how i feel,
i hate it when people come & see my mom & say,
: your mom's not healthy pity her, take care of her,
yes, i know my mom's not healthy,
i live with her,
i take care of her,
in my own way,
and you come here & say like i'm not trying hard enough,
like i'm burdening her,
but have you ever considered how i felt?
how i'm coping with it,
how i fell so helpless seeing her getting worse,
no.no.no.no.
it never occurred to you how i felt about it,
maybe i seem aloof,
but things never seems as they are,
and i for one am used to cover my emotions,
so, don't be a fool & judge from what you see,
that's plain foolish you know..
do you know how trying it can be to put a straight face,
and telling that it's gonna be alright,
holding back all your fears,
putting on barriers of walls,
to put on a perfect picture of calm,
i do it because it doesn't help to fall apart,
call me a cold hearted b****,
then let them be..
i dun care~~
who are you to judge me,
when you never walked in my shoes!!

Being a nurse can be challenging~

I may not be a nurse,
but,
taking care of my mum makes me feel like one,
hahahaha,
it's true,
after having first hand experience,
this profession really needs people who are patient,
who are really into it because they want to help people,
you need to have the will to look at things that are so~~
let's just leave it at that,
seeing and handling other peoples organs
can be quite unpleasant but for me it's okay
since it's my mum
and who am i to be disgusted by these things
i have what my mum has
so, why freak out~

life has weird ways to make you realize things~
ways that you can't imagine~
open your mind broaden your perspectives..
nothing ever seems like you think they do~

Thinking about the future~~

recently,
my older brother just broke up with his gf,
after 6 long years of being together,
everything ended in 1 text.

his now right in the game,
looking for that special someone,
he asked me whether i believe love after marriage?
i'm not sure if i can say that i believe that,
i hope that it would happen to me,
but to put your fate and be together with someone,
i barely knew doesn't appeal much to me.

i've seen firsthand on how marriage is done,
something that i wouldn't dream of doing,
the fear of what could happen would haunt me,
that's why i wanted to know them first,
i think..

as i person i had dreams of getting married,
but,
i never thought that it would happen,
i have too many fears & to let that happen,
it just seems too much..

oh well i'm too young to think about marriage~~